Skip to main content
A Magazine for
27b/6

The Magic 8 Ball

I sent an email to a friend recently, asking several different questions, and he replied with the single answer "Yes, probably." It was obvious that he had either not read the email or could not be bothered answering my questions.

The next day when he emailed me, I replied using a Magic 8 Ball to generate the random answers.

From: Simon Dempsey

Have you got a typeface called Garamond Semibold? I have the Garamond and bold and italic but not the semibold. I am doing a poster for Cathy and I reckon garamond would look good.

As I see it, yes.

Which one? Yes you have the typeface or that it would look good on a poster?

Concentrate and ask again.

What the fuck? I need the typeface Garamond. Have you got it or not?

You may rely on it.

Send me the typeface dickhead.

From: Mark Pierce

Hey. Are you at work?

Signs point to yes.

What? Can you drop over on your way home from work and help me lift a piece of glass up onto a table? It is too heavy to lift.

My sources say no.

Are you serious? I tried lifting it a bit at a time and sliding books under it but I need heaps more books. Can you come for a quick drive now?

Ask again later.

Are you going to help me on the way back from work or not?

It is decidedly so.

Good. Fuck you are annoying sometimes.

From: Justine Murphy

Hi David, you forgot to send the attachment on your last email. Can you send it again please?

Justine

You may rely on it.

Ok. Can you resend it to me then please?

Without a doubt.

???? Did you attach it?

Don't count on it.

Are you fucking with me? Just attachment it ass hat.

From: Simon Dempsey

Are you online?

Concentrate and ask again.

Fuck you.

)

Next article in issue 33

Sound WHITE MEN CAN'T CRUNK.

I recently had the rare, once-in-a-lifetime pleasure of overhearing a middle-aged man conversing with his companion in a pub about R&B. …

I recently had the rare, once-in-a-lifetime pleasure of overhearing a middle-aged man conversing with his companion in a pub about R&B. 

Related articles

What About Weddings?

New campaign group gets crafty with Sheffield’s Women of Steel to highlight awareness of the critical need for assistance for the wedding industry.