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Sad Facts

Big Stories For Little Children

There is a lot to be upset about in this world: Trump; Syria; that publishing deal for my cookbook that fell through; my marriage.

I do understand there is a lot to be sad about. But this millennial generation have fetishised mental illness to the point of making it an accessory. Depression is this season’s must-have and public signposting of it is an absolute necessity. I can barely open a web browser before it is populated with over 10 tabs of think pieces (articles) about think pieces (minds). Do people need to talk about this so much?

I had a friend in the 70s who heard vicious voices in his head telling him to break into Buckingham Palace dressed as a clanger and recycle the Queen into a hatstand, but he was basically fine. We were all fine! We were fine then and we’re fine now. It makes me personally very upset that the harvesting of one’s innermost emotions is now a way of selling magazines. This new approach of seeing writing as therapy really makes me pig sick, dog tired and prompts occasional attacks of severe hyperventilation and uncontrollable crying. Please don’t talk to me about it. I’m fine. I’m ok. I just need to lie down.

Simon Klimpt


As many of you will be aware, last week my lecture series, Furries & Society, was 'no platformed' by what I can only describe as social justice barbarian orcs.

The statement I made, which I believe was taken out of context – as the several minutes I spent saying “please don’t be angry at me because of this” directly prior to the statement was omitted in wider press reporting – was that human beings who dress as wolves should be considered the same political entity as bipedal animal wolves, or - more concisely - “wolves are wolves”. It doesn’t matter if they’re predominantly made of plush foam interior standing on their hind legs trying to order a slush puppy, or if they’re in the forests of Canada chewing through a chicken - wolves are wolves are wolves.

I am a liberal and if someone wants to participate in wolfhood and it doesn’t hurt anyone – yes, wolves killed people in 2005 and 2010, but these were lone wolf attacks, certainly not indicative of a wider trend – I don’t see why society should place any such barriers.

However, wolves are systematically oppressed and excluded by society and it would be remiss of us to treat new wolves any differently. Traditionally, wolves can’t participate in the commonplace human workforce. They can’t hold HGV licenses, become pipefitters, do a BTEC in catering, can’t become qualified PAT testers.

However, there are certain specialised roles suitable for wolves: Game of Thrones extra, cat catcher, moon alarm, call handler for dogs, bonfire resource collation operative (stick division).

Now that we’re cognisant that there is a minority group requiring roles in these fields I am certain the market will provide jobs in keeping with their capabilities. And if they don’t, well, I am prepared and willing to write another article on the topic. Or just republish this one.

Tracy Denholm


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