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A Magazine for Sheffield
Cool Beans

Advice Arnold

Alcohol: Ooh, yes please.

Colour: An instant-grey-teeth red. A deep, bilious red that you will soon see bubbling in cauldrons.

Nose: A wince-inducing aroma that already contains hints of the hell to come.

Body: Seductive here and there, showing a bit of leg. Mmm, yes... but don't be taken in. This seductress is a bleak vision from the second circle of hell and eternal violent storms be upon your soul if ye allow appetite to sway your reason.

Flavour: Quite nice. Strawberries and blood.

Throat sting: Like a swarm of bees through an acid-laced wood chipper.

Finish: No. Damnation is eternal.

Drinkability: Would drink again, but unfortunately my mouth has been sewn shut as punishment for speaking out of turn on Hell Induction Day.

Cost effectiveness: 1x glass = 1x eternity in the throes of a horrifying and humiliating hell, so very good, I'd say.

General thoughts: Hell isn't as bad as people make it out to be. No Sunday trading laws down here, so that's quite good. I'm saving hundreds on central heating too. I don't know what all the bad press is about really.

Chris Delamere


Tristram Hunt – Labour MP, former broadcast journalist and darling of Katie 'workers must own the means of production' Hopkins – addressed the student body of Oxford and Cambridge Universities in November, suggesting that the Labour Party should once again be ruled by “the 1%”.

His concern is that the current Corbyn-led opposition has become a sect, its views, outlook and ideas becoming increasingly narrowed thanks to the echo chamber effects of social media and leftwing press.

Instead, Hunt suggests, we should diversify the ideological landscape by ensuring the party opposing our current government of millionaires are themselves born into extravagant wealth. This way we’ll hear from all sides, from 'let’s lower corporation tax' to 'when I cook rabbit I use fresh sage and I have it with a bottle of yucky red liquid a man gets from my underground cupboard – I don’t know who this man is but he’s older than me and used to belong to my Dad'.

Despite this, a rich ruling elite doesn’t feel like a new idea. In fact, it’s such an old idea that the idea that it’s a new or interesting idea is a very new idea indeed. So in that respect he’s been a great help to our new and exciting marketplace of ideas.

Thanks Hunt. Thunt.

Sean Morley


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