Skip to main content
A Magazine for

Helen Mort / John Hegley.

by Now Then Sheffield

The one where she trips over a cordless phone,
or tiptoes past the bathroom cabinet
so she won't wake the sleeping pills,

gets stabbed in a shoot out,
spends hours trying to drown a fish,
goes skydiving and misses earth.

The one where you clock her at the bar,
slip her a vodka-coke, nod to your mate:
What do you do when a blonde says no?

Buy her another beer. Later, in the taxi queue,
you stroke behind her ears: what does a blonde
put here to make her prettier? Her ankles.

Or the one where she binds your wrists
behind your back, ties you naked to the hotel
swivel chair, then props the door open,

walks out and leaves you waiting for the punchline,
laughter thinning to a wheeze, and the light
from the single lamp makes your own head golden.

HELEN MORT.

|

To the Wednesday night Rotherham Library audience,
I am describing myself back at ten years old.
I tell them how we climbed over an old garden wall
And went scrumping apples
Then I ask
'Do you say ''scrumping'' up here,
Or do you have a different word for it?'
A woman at the back answers,
'Aye, we do have another word for it:
Theft.'

John Hegley.

)
by Now Then Sheffield

Next article in issue 59

More Wordlife

Jim Ottewill Out of Space

Author Jim Ottewill's new book is a fantastic exploration of clubs, their associated cultures and the sanctuary they still give to generations of the nation's youth in good times and bad.

Helen Mort A Line Above the Sky – Q&A

In advance of her book launch and conversation with rock climber Shauna Coxsey MBE at the Festival of Debate on 23rd April, Helen Mort talks to Rachel Bower about mountains, motherhood and women's bodies.

Own Your Period by Chella Quint

While Chella Quint’s guide to periods for pre-teens may challenge conservative parents, it is vital and inclusive in a revolutionary way.

More Wordlife