Children to advise parents on how to unblock porn filters

After ministers made further calls for web firms to impose parental filters as a default setting, dads everywhere have begun enlisting the help of their tech savvy children to show them how to unblock online filth.

With most men unsure of the purpose of computers if you take porn away, fathers have expressed concerns that a failure to navigate filters will leave them with nothing but some expensive plastic with letters on.

“What else do these computers do?” asked worried father of three John Hutchins.

“To be honest, I didn’t even know it was called a computer. I bought it off a mate who sold it to me as an electric sex shed.”

Experts have also warned the introduction of web filters is leading to a complete change in the relationship between fathers and sons when compared to 30 years ago.

Filth historian and renowned lesbologist Dr Friedrich Numan, said, “Back in the 80s these men would have been reliant on their fathers leaving fanny mags on the top of a wardrobe or in the shed.

“Now we may find that they have to rely on their teenage sons to gain access to such material. This generation of fathers are in danger of becoming a lost generation of filth enthusiasts.”

Porn filter proposals

Luke Kingsley from Hull was amongst thousands of men concerned that they may have to return to the days of buying a jazz mag that they’ve slipped inside a copy of Motorcyclist News.

“I don’t even own a motorbike,” he told us.

“I’ll be reduced to keeping a close eye on the contents of hedgerows in the hope of finding an abandoned porn mag.

“I actually felt a flutter of excitement the other day when I spotted a discarded magazine in a motorway lay-by. The government really is dragging us back to the eighties.”

Al Qaeda claim responsibility for ‘devastating’ spending review

Al Qaeda have this morning issued a new video in which they claim full responsibility for the devastating spending review which rocked the UK last week.

The video, which appears to have been put together in something of a hurry, shows several Al Qaeda members reading from a list of measures they claim to have imposed on the UK in a concerted attack on Western imperialism.

An early translation says, “Let this be a stark warning to the godless infidels in the West.

“We will come to your countries and remove your benefits and slash your public services in the name of Allah.

“This is how we work now, gone are the days of missiles, bombs and bullets – now we will hit you where it hurts, in the wallets of your most vulnerable citizens.

“We will put your poor people on the streets and make the lives of your bankers slightly less opulent.”

Osborne’s Spending Review

Economic and political commentators have reacted with surprise to the announcement, claiming that they had believed the devastating measures outlined at the end of June were due to the Chancellor’s devastating incompetence.

As one explained, “I was genuinely baffled by the Spending Review, and George Osborne’s justification for it, but of course I now realise it’s just a terrorist plot to bring the country to its knees, so it actually makes perfect sense.”

“In fact I’d go so far as to call their flawless plan almost genius.”