Scum of the Earth

I was conceived in the recovery position
In the basement of a police station
I was brought up like a ballerinas breakfast
And raised on stolen donations
The doctor cried
The midwife resigned
As I was born to this world
My mother swapped me for a less ugly baby
And she called me the scum of the earth

Scum of the earth
The name that I was baptised as a babe
Lightning struck the steeple of the church
When the priest called out my name
He threw his bible in the sky
Pulled out a pistol
And shot a hole through it like a bird
And as its feathers came spiralling down to the ground
He christened me the scum of the earth

Scum of the earth
Untrustworthy
Bound to be up to no good
Standing on the outskirts of society
Swigging from a bottle of angel's blood
Peeping over the precipice
Forever the pessimist
Even my blood group is bleeding negative
Counting on your fingers to calculate me worth
And you call me the scum of the earth

Depending on the state
Of mind I’m in when I awake
I might partake in playing nice
And join in with your game
But unemployment’s got its benefits
You can’t get fired
And I know the system doesn’t work
So why the fuck should I?

(to the tune of 'Gold' by Spandau Ballet)
Dole (dole)
Always believe in your soul
You’ve got nowhere to go
You’re unemployable
Always believe in dole

Well, I’ve always got my settee to fall back on
How much is your time worth
When I sign on
I sign the name you gave me
Scum of the earth

And the calendar pages pave the way
Of a 75 year long street
And so I bang my head
Against the factory wall
There aint nothing to do but drink
There aint nothing to do
But abuse the booze
And kiss goodbye to the day
It’s enough to make a man loose his screws
Man I just want to get in my grave
Because I’m just a mild mannered social parasite by day
But after 6 and a half hours on the apple sauce
An amazing transformation takes place...
Ciderman! Ciderman!
I can’t do it but I think I can
Because only a drunk superhero
Or a complete fucking idiot
Would try and pick a fight with a police dog
That line didn’t scan
There goes the ciderman

--

Well I had a most terrible day dream
As I was propping up the end of the bar
My life fragmented into millions of jigsaw pieces
And scattered all over the floor
And franticly on my hands and knees I try picking up the shards
And piecing it back together again
But the picture looked all wrong
I staggered back to the bar wiping my face
But the expressions on the people’s faces had changed
What’s your poison the bar man asked
I saw terrible visions in the bottom of my glass
I saw the mass replicated definition of freedom
Represented by the slogans printed on the t shirts
To corrupt the pupil you poison the teachers
I heard the untrustworthy word being preached
By the diehard disciples of Saturday night TV
Who like to make you think life’s just a rehearsal
Because it helps to cope with the hurt
That comes with the curse of being a person
A brand new definition of worthlessness
And they plead
And they scream
Pick me!
We just want to be living the dream!
Well they obviously don’t have the same dreams as me
Unless they want to be trapped in a burning house
By Foxy Bingo
Naked!
With a massive erection the size of a prize winning marrow.

But, you know, each to their own
And this blinding clarity is like a pencil in my eye
Take your dick out of my ear and stop fucking with my mind!
What’s your poison the barman asked
I saw terrible visions in the bottom of my glass
And I screamed at the people to warn them
But they just turned back to their drinks and ignored me
And then the management asked me to leave
So now I’m outside shouting at the traffic on the street
Shaking my fist at the useless moon
Trying to catch the stupid thing with a lasso
Maybe I’m just confused
But I can’t seem to see the world the way that I used to
But you’ve made your mind up
You know all you need to know
You see me coming and you cross the road
Like that chicken in the joke
But your narrow mind is too small to look down on me
Class never has been a straight line
And respect is a two-way street
The land that your cattle are reared on is poisoned
The fruit your trees bare manufactured by man
Your media and art is corrupted by money
And therefore irrelevant to me and my clan
Your wealth is like time
A powerful concept
Which when studied closely doesn’t actually exist
What will you do when the people you put down discover
The foundations of your house are so weak they will split
So I’ll just leave you to worry about things like reputation and worth
But just remember this planet is made out of dirt
When you call me the scum of the earth

Thick Richard